okay guys, i really need your help and support.

heres what happened:

six months ago, i met a guy (Toby) that i really liked but i had a boyfriend (Sammy).
i didn't want to end up cheating on my boyfriend to i broke up with sammy so that i could continue to explore Toby. he said he loved me. i loved him. we shared a few months together but i noticed that he was getting interested in my best friend (Eve). she hated toby and was really pissed at me because i had changed so much for him.
all through this sammy was still my best friend and was trying to like toby (though it was basically impossible)
after a while toby and eve started hanging out more and more, toby admitted to me that he liked eve and was breaking up with me.
after only a day he came back, saying that he still loved me. i took him back, being very grateful that he chose me over her.
everything was fine until he started getting into other girls again.
he kept trying to cheat on me with several different girls but none of them liked him at all. i was all blind to this at the time.
until about a month ago....he found a girl (Jenny) and started cheating on me with her.
i was heart broken. i know that he never will admit to anyone that he was cheating....he just forgot that he sent this to me once he found out my plot to break it off with him.
this is an EXACT copy of his email.

"I fuck up everything. Drawings, fun, love. I know no matter what, you'd deny anything I say, but I don't care anymore. I know your behavior recently was all that whore-of-a-girl Kayla's fault. But I bet you would never notice. I guess I can tell you this now. I did have a thing for Jenny. I do like her. Actually, I love her. I can probably tell you this now, but I knew the whole time I WAS cheating on you. And I feel absolutely no guilt now. Have fun with your new "friend".

See you never."

oh, and Kayla is my good friend, also his EX-girlfriend so he's blaming everything on her.

so for the past month he's been writing me hate emails, giving me dirty looks and such.
im not going to act like im innocent, i did alot of things right back, including fliping him off twice.

so, if he's such a dick, and im better off without him why cant i forget? why does my heart feel like its going to explode from beating so fast whenever i
pass him in the hallway? why do i feel a tightness in my throaght everytime i see him making out with jenny?

i need advice guys, please please please help! send me a message, i will reply to it.
thanks

[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x]I have/I've had braces.
[contacts] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.
[ ] I hate my dad
[x] I hate my mom
[x] I have a brother
[x] I have a sister
[wanted to] I've sworn at my parents.
[almost] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.
[x] I'm in school.
[ ] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[?] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed!
[x] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I was born in a different country.
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[x] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.
[ ] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. {LOL I BLAME MY FRIEND EVE!}
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.
[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I'm bi
[ ] I'm gay
[ ] I've had sex
[ ] I've had phone sex
[ ] I've cybered
[ ] I've had sex in public.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed.
[x] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[x] I have had cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I'm afraid of pain.
[x] I hate funerals
[x] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide
[x] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[x] I own a plushie of my fave character from anything.
[ ] I own a cosplay outfit
[x] I know what cosplay means.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[x] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie.
[kinda] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[sometimes] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[x] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[kinda] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[ ] I loathe labels
[x] I like action movies
[ ] I like horror movies
[x] I like chick flicks
[x] I know the most random facts about things people have never heard of before
[x] I can't spell
[x] I treasure my friends.
[ ] I think of others before myself
[x] All of those are answered honestly.